It’s a funny thing, but I’ve very much noticed how DB1s behaviour is usually incrementally affected by how well he slept the night before.

I sensed I was on thin ice from about 8:30am, when DB1 had his first meltdown of the day, due to me daring to ask him to put his coat on. (to take him to see HIS friend…so something of benefit to him…)
I should also add that it was about 5 degrees outside and distinctly on the parky side. Had DB1 ventured out without said coat, I could guarantee that he would have had several more meltdowns, all revolving no doubt around the sentence ‘I’M COLD, MUMMY! I’M COOoOoOLD!!’ and no doubt collapsing on the pavement in a very dramatic James Brown style way. However, none the less, according to DB1s reaction, I was apparently the anti christ for insisting on warm outerwear on November. As a result, I got roundly beaten by tiny flailing toddler arms whilst trying to resist the urge to bellow a swear word in response.

The next tantrum was over having his shoes put on. (do you notice a theme here? Yes, we have a boy who doesn’t like clothes. A lustrous adulthood on nudist beaches surely beckons.) I briefly considered his gloves and scarf, before observing him hurling himself around on the sofa and screaming, and thinking I couldn’t actually. Be. Bothered. Nope.

By this point, DB1 was also wailing in his stroller, due to the fact that his hat had fallen over his eyes. Hmm. At least he had a solid reason. I’ll allow him that one. The shrieking about having his sock put back on his foot was a bridge too far though.

By this point, I was already utterly knackered and severely tempted to lock myself in the bathroom with the bottle of sauvignon blanc nestling in the fridge, but I resisted and ploughed out into the cold. And sure enough, true to form, DB1 moaned about his ‘cold fingers’ for the entire walk, whilst also insisting he ‘wanted to walk’, walking for thirty seconds, then stopping dead in his tracks and insisting he wanted a ‘carry’. Sigh. Deep breaths.

The stropping continued to worsen throughout the day as DB1 got more and more tired. Including him liberally beating his little friend round the head with his toy elephant, due to her daring to touch his toy swan. More humiliating was the fact that he did it whilst clutching her toy car, without any sense of irony whatsoever. Oh the embarrassment…

We had momentary peace mid afternoon, where DB1 began a quiet game with the aforementioned animals, and I must confess, he actually made me cry with laughter as he introduced his animals to DB2 (who was sitting quietly in his chair at the time) saying ‘Ooh, Hippo! Look at the whale! Shall we see the whale, panda?’ DB2, bless him, just looked all benevolent and innocent, oblivious to the insult being laid at his door…
Poor DB2! He’s a little on the rotund size admittedly, but not quite epic enough to be compared with the largest mammal on Earth…

This was, alas, the only bit of comparative peace I had all day. Fairly soon, chaos erupted yet again as I attempted to get on with work whilst bouncing a wailing baby and tickling a demanding toddler… Sometimes I do seriously wish I was that hindu goddess…you know, the one with all the arms… Oh, and if I’m putting in a request, a new brain would be appreciated too. Mine appears to have turned into sludge…

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