DB1 was MORTIFYING today. Honestly, it was one of those moments where I really may as well have had ‘dreadful mother’ emblazoned on my forehead for all to see.

The day started well enough. We all went to the play barn again, though this time with another of DB1s little chums, a little girl a few months younger than him. Things were all going swimmingly, lots of lovely idyllic scenes of mums laughing by the ball pool, children leaping in and out with gay abandon, sliding down slippery slides with innocent glee, etc etc.

Then, regrettably, tiredness hit DB1 with a vengeance. With alarming rapidity, the smiley angelic boy turned swiftly into his alter-ego, the one I privately like to call ‘demon offspring’. The horrific climax to this steadily more and more worrying performance was him violently grasping his blissfully unaware and unprepared friend whilst she sat sipping juice at the table and yanking her headfirst to the hard floor below. Before attempting to hurtle away at full speed (benny hill style) across the length of the building. He hadn’t contended with mummy suddenly seemingly developing arms worthy of a real life Mr Tickle and seizing him firmly, dragging his writhing (and giggling) frame back to the scene of the crime and insisting on an apology.

His poor chum wept for about twenty minutes whilst DB1 just sat there quite undisturbed. Shame on DB1!! To add to the general sense of drama, DB2 decided to add his thrupence worth by lamenting loudly, directly in my ear hole.

Then we had the madness of teatime. The only way I convince DB1 to consume his tea was to dance around the kitchen (like some idiot performing circus animal or something), chanting ‘Noodles! Made of poodles! Noodles! Made of poo…oodles’. To the tune of the Black Beauty theme song. I really don’t know why. But it did help, if for nothing else but to distract DB2 from bellowing to be picked up for the millionth time of the day (bless him, he does like to be attached to me pretty much 24/7.)

Oh the duality of the toddler! Toddlers often put me to mind of cavemen. Crazy, violent and utterly self serving. (but quite sweet in a sort of Bam Bam kind of way?). DB1 is so gloriously bonkers, but so alarmingly unpredictable at times. See also: hurtling out into the middle of the road with no warning whatsoever, seemingly on a whim (and dropping his toy duck into a puddle just to add a final insult). See also: hurling himself on the library floor and screeching at the top of his voice, a reaction born of the fact that I’d calmly suggested we depart. I could continue with the examples, but you get the drift.

Ah. And then the glorious knowledge dawns upon me… That, once DB1 emerges from the insane toddler years, DB2 will enter them. Crikey.
(and then I’ll have to cope with two mental school kids. Then two acne-riddled moody teenagers o doubt. Then two adults who will no doubt take great pleasure in dumping their toddlers on to me to look after for them …and so it will continue…)

(I’ll bloody love it though, hee hee.)

Advertisements