I think I may change my name to Mrs Lardy Gutlord after tonight’s pig-fest.

Why is it that, whenever OH is away, I cease eating anything of any nutritional value and end up porking my way through vastly unhealthy piles of crap disguised thinly as food? Tonight’s revolting offering was: a tube of prawn cocktail pringles, a can of baked beans, a massive jumbo fondant fancy and handful after handful of Haribo.

I now feel f**king sick. What a pillock.

I hate it when OH is away. A generally long day suddenly spans into a veritable eternity of toddler tantrums and baby grizzlings. Intelligent conversation gets replaced by endless re-runs of ‘Come Dine With Me’, even though I have now watched so many that I don’t actually bother watching it, I just have it droning in the background. My brain starts mulching like compost without OH to talk to. Seriously, I feel like I have a head full of soggy leaves at the moment.

Anyway, the day itself hasn’t been that bad in itself. Admittedly, it was a bit of an early start. OH left the house at 5am. DB1 crept in next to me half an hour later and continued to kick me in the back until daybreak. DB2 awoke about ten minutes after DB1 and gurgled loudly for an hour until I gave in and got them up. Honestly, the pressure of a double onslaught from two wide awake boys at 5;30am, it’s just not something I am equipped to deal with at that time of day.

We had great fun decorating Christmas cards with glitter glue and finger paints, even though I am somewhat peeved by the amount of glitter that is now covering my entire kitchen (I keep finding bits in the most unlikely places. Including my fondant fancy. Didn’t stop me eating it though.) DB1 had a lovely time splodging paint everywhere, though more on the paper and less on the table, chair, wall etc would have been good. I quite liked the fact that DB1 thought that a hippo was an integral part of the nativity scene too. I’m not sure where he got that from.