Oh yes. I have officially joined the Complainers Club. Normally the domain of elderly resentful old crones and bitter misfits; I have now joined their ranks.

Do you know what I complained about? (to the local paper AND the local council, in a strongly worded email?)

DOG POO.

Seriously though, I still feel within my rights to do so. Three times in a week, I’ve ridden the stroller through a big stinking pile of dog turd. Three times in a week! And it’s not as if it was an isolated, unlucky week either. DB1 picked up a horrid dog log a while back, thinking it was a leaf. (don’t laugh. Not funny. Poor kid, I had him suspending his hands in the air, not allowed anywhere near his face, the entire length of the journey home. He looked like he was in the middle of a bank raid…)

We’ve also had stinking faeces all over our shoes. The amount of repellent pompous people I’ve seen casually letting their dogs take a steaming dump all over the pavement before strolling off, as though doing a poo on a public walkway was entirely ok and acceptable is amazing. I really have to sometimes resist the urge to scoop up the offending shit and rub it extensively all over the owner’s head. Can you imagine if I suddenly hoisted down my jeans and left a faecal offering in the same fashion? It would be repulsive. So why is it acceptable for people to let their dogs do it?

I really did rather lose it today though. Upon noticing the offensive smear across the wheel of the stroller, I then launched into a rant worthy of any tourettes sufferer. If anyone had heard me,they would have thought I was utterly mental. Poor DB1, I think he was quite scared. In fact, he even said sorry at one point (bless him!), to which I believe I replied something along the lines of ‘bless you, it’s not your fault love, you’re not the revolting horrible dog owner who let their dog do a dump on the pavement.’ Poor DB1, having to endure a full on ‘kong’ from his mother!

Sigh. It’s just been one of those days full stop really. I managed to smash a bottle of booze in Tesco (buying it for OH, honest. At…er…8:30am. Hmm.) And poor old DB1 seems to have suffered similar. He did a tremendous prat fall on one of his Mr Men books earlier (he was being a bit of a mental pillock by running round in crazy shrieking circles in his room. Ironically, it was Mr Bump that was his downfall.). We’re talking about a full on banana skin, feet whizzing up in the air type job. He also managed to fall off the buggy board in town, resulting in enraged howls of ‘MY BOTTOM! MY BOTTOM!’ And to top it all off, he ran full pelt into his bedroom door whilst pratting around after bath time. So we’ve had lots of howls today.

DB2 has been fairly cheerful though. No, scratch that. He’s actually been a bit bonkers and hyper. But he has just mastered the art of sitting properly, so he was most likely in a celebratory mood.he certainly seemed merry enough, if the wild shrill shrieking and giggling was anything to go by.

Anyway. I’m off to complain myself to sleep now.

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