These last couple of weeks have seen us all over the place, courtesy of OH’s new job. Last week saw us darting to and from Taunton to Exeter for three days, then the weekend was a whirlwind of mad entertainment with business partner and her family (lovely boozy shenanigans in the evenings, combined with having to prevent DB1 and business partner’s eldest from killing one another every five minutes or so.)
Then this week was a five day stop out at my sisters whilst OH wandered off to Lincoln for his induction, followed by a weekend at my fathers. Phew!

Let us begin then, at the point where it all started to go vaguely wrong. Monday night, first night chez sister.
DB2 decided to not sleep.
Ha, now I know I’ve made this claim on many an occasion. This one is a bit different though. When I state ‘did not sleep’, I actually mean, he did not sleep. One wink. He was up from 10:30pm through to 6:30am the following day. It was actually pretty much the longest, most torturous night of my existence. And bless DB2, wasn’t it kind and considerate of him to wait until the VERY night that OH went away to pull an all nighter, just when he knew it would just be poor mum, clambering endlessly in and out of bed, leaping with less and less grace over DB1 (slumbering on his blow up bed between me and the cot), lurching with more and more unsteadiness over the side of the travel cot, to scoop the screaming DB2 up for the upteenth time.
It’s funny, isn’t it, how swiftly sympathy turns to irritation, and then turns to desperate, impotent rage. The sentiment ‘poor old DB2’ rapidly turned into ‘oh bloody hell DB2, just go to sleep’. Then by 2am, it had metamorphosed again into ‘if you don’t f***king go to sleep now, I might just actually have to scream’, to finally just a simple, inaudible ‘GRNMNARGH!!,’ of despair at around 5am.
How I plugged on through the next day, I just don’t know. Put it like this, it’s saying a lot, when you then have a night of 4 hours broken sleep, and feel pathetically grateful that you just managed to shut your eyes for a bit. Over the 4 nights we were there, I totalled 12 hours sleep. Rock and roll. I actually felt like I was living an out of body experience by the end of it. I don’t actually recollect much. Just a lot of cloudy half images of people talking at me, and me nodding dumbly,whilst necking another diet coke in a vague attempt at stimulation.

Picture then, if you will, my delight, my genuine, happy delight, to hear OH complain down the phone that he was ‘tired’. After being put up in a nice hotel, 4 nights of uninterrupted, child free sleep, 4 evenings of nice meals, free booze, 4 days of gentle team building exercises. Compare to my own experience. Desperate nights spent lifting a heavy, snot riddled, weepy baby up and down, like a wriggly and weighty dumbbell. Mornings rudely awoken yet again by said baby, and toddler, whose first words of love are ‘can I play on your iphone’. Days spent not only entertaining the boys, but also a bonkers nephew and a very chatty niece. All whilst trying to not fall asleep whilst standing up. Now, I know which one I reckon is true tiredness. But let’s not make it a competition here. OH, you are a naughty naughty man for saying it. How I would like a night without a screaming baby at the moment! Just one!

Turns out poor old DB2 was actually pretty poorly. And still is, a week later. Being the kind and generous little boy he is, he duly shared out the bug, to me, to DB1 and to OH. And no doubt to his Aunt, Uncle, and cousins too. We haven’t actually really seen his face since Thursday. It’s been concealed beneath a thick layer of bright green snot and general sticky coughy detritus. And DB1 seems to be following suit, though in true DB2 style, he seems fairly unperturbed. For a skinny kid, he has the most rock hard constitution ever. He just continued playing, unabated, renaming Brachiasauruses ‘Brocollisauruses’ (much better in my opinion.) and informing me whilst holding a Lego steak (from a Zoo set) that the Lego crocodile was ‘beating his meat’. I had to actually walk away so he didn’t see me laughing.

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