Allow me one moment to put into some sort of auditory form how I am feeling at the moment.


One Mars bar was delicious. A much needed treat. Ahem. The second mars bar was a bridge too far though. In addition to all the chocolates that I have porked my way through during the course of the day, perhaps you can now appreciate the aforementioned noise. Tummy hurting.

Mind you, after today, I felt I needed it.

DB2 decided to kickstart the day at the unholy hour of 4:30am. He screamed and screeched for ten minutes, then promptly nodded off again- on me, in my bed. Hence no more sleep for me, as DB2 noisily sucked his thumb literally millimetres from my face, whilst sporadically presenting a gobble of exceptionally sticky dribble on my upper arm. Plus I was lying in bed literally wigging out in a paranoid mess about the fact that the boys bedroom door had been open when I went to get DB2, and yet had been definitely shut when I had last left the room. In the wee small hours, cue lots of deranged fretting about ghostly goings on etc. See…this is what chaos erupts when OH goes away! It’s not good! See, this is why I don’t watch horror films!

Anyway, I was pretty much dragged from the bed at 6am upon the arrival of DB1, who bounced around the bed for a short period before announcing in an infeasibly cheerful voice it was time for brekkie. Or ‘bwekkie’ as he likes to call it.

The rest of the day seemed like an endless exercise in keeping the two clamouring needs of two young boys satisfied every moment of the day. You know the footage- you’ve no doubt seen it on a David Attenborough type programme- the weary adult bird exhaustedly feeding her shrieking young with regurgitated worm after regurgitated worm, with that look in their eyes that simultaneously seems to beg ‘please let this satisfy them’ but also seems to cynically say ‘who am I f***ing kidding’ at the same time. Anyway, I heartily sympathise with those birds. Every sentence seemed to be a ‘can I’ or ‘I want’ from DB1, and DB2 just seemed intent on destroying as many things in the house as possible, not out of any particular vested interest, but simply for something to do.

Hence the extreme need for chocolate…