I found myself musing today, after a 4:30am wake up call from DB2, what was actually going on in his head? What was he thinking as he woke, deciding that 4:30am was an optimum time for rousing the whole house?
So, I shall now pass this entry (not literally) on to my youngest, DB2, and his internal monologue.
4:30am: ‘Oh. I’m awake. Hmm. Well, that’s ok. I quite fancy some breakfast. Let’s see now, what can a guy do to get some food action in here? I’ll try shouting.
Nothing yet. I’ll have a go at ramping it up a notch.
Ah, that did it. There we go. There’s that big old guy that they keep getting me to call ‘Daddy’. Ha ha, he looks knackered. Wonder what he was up to last night? He looks quite hacked off actually, ooh, yep, judging by the way he’s manhandling me now, yes, he’s definitely pissed off. I wonder what’s bothered him?
Well, I want the squidgy big guy anyway, not him. He’s no fun to lie on. Ah, there she is. The nice soft squishy person. I’ll just make myself comfy here. Hmm, if I just push my head into her chin, and nuzzle my hands into her tummy, and, ooh, it’s quite fun pulling at her flesh actually. Ha ha, there’s quite a lot of it. Ha ha! This is a good craic!
8:00am: I’m a bit bored. The big guy has gone off into that strange room where we splash around in the water, and the other one is pointing that big loud thing at her hair and blowing it around. Hey, what’s this? Just on mummy’s bedside table? Ooh, I like the look of that. I’ll have that. If I can just…reach…just a bit further…there we go! Got it! If I give it a good tug… Ooh, I’ve got some resistance here. I’ll pull a bit harder. Hmm, still not coming. Oh, now the big squishy lady is running over, I’d better be quick. Aha! There we go, got it!
HEY! Hey!! That is NOT FAIR! Why is she taking it away? That f***ing sucks! I earnt that, I put a lot of effort into getting it! GIVE IT BACK! What is she doing? Oi!! Why is it on that high shelf?
Ok, fine. I’ll just take this instead.
OI! WHAT, SO I CAN’T EVEN HAVE THAT EITHER?
Oh for f***s sake. Well, what can I have? Eh? You tell me that. What can I have? You’ve got five seconds to give me something before I rain down hell on your ass.
Oh, please tell me you are joking. You cannot be serious. I’ve been playing with that toy since day one. That thing seriously went out of date a long time ago. Best before circa 1month old. Come on.
Right, I’ve seriously had enough of this. I’m off to climb some stairs and get me some distance from this squishy control freak. Off I go. Ok, I think I remember how to do this. So it’s this hand first, then if I lift this leg….
That little sod who I have to share a room with downstairs f***ing pushed me down the stairs! WAH! WAH! I’m f***ing dobbing you up! You B*****D!!