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DB2 has finally mastered the subtle art of walking. Have to say, he doesn’t quite make it look like much of a subtle art. As with everything in DB2’s life, he tends to go at it with great gusto and enthusiasm, but not much actual finesse, a bit like an over-exuberant and slightly mental labrador pup.

His first tentative movements towards walking were made about a week ago; he liked to raise himself slowly to his pudgy little toes, whisk his head around frantically for the nearest inanimate object that was within grabbing distance, then literally launch himself horizontally at it, in a way that reminded me a lot of a tree being felled. This resulted in quite a few head banging moments and subsequent bruises.

We then had the first few little shuffling steps; raising one foot hesitantly off the floor before realising that he had to compensate his balance on the other, and falling on his (fortunately well cushioned) rump with a bang.And crying. A lot. Mainly through frustration, if his expressions were anything to go by – that despairing and exasperated look of ‘why, Mummy? Seriously?! I mean, you make it look so easy! Why the hell can’t I do this thing too?!’

But today, finally, it was the full on mad dash across the lounge floor. Oh, the delight on his big, shiny, happy face as he herded towards me, arms extended, excited dribble hanging from his lower lip, legs going like the clappers. He did well, the boy did well. He clearly thought as much too, given that he then sat down and gave himself a very rapturous round of applause. Bless him. He then promptly tried to have another go, tripped over his own little feet and fell flat on his face. No applauses or self congratulation awarded for that effort. Instead he slunk off crossly into the kitchen, glaring at me over his shoulder as though it was somehow my fault. I’d obviously distracted him without meaning to and put him off his mojo.

In addition to this new DB2 upgrade (I should probably explain here that myself and OH like to imagine each stage of our children’s lives like the Super Mario Bros game – you know, when Mario eats a mushroom, and makes a funny little wobbly noise and gets bigger or faster or more invincible…) he also upgraded his grasping and yanking ability.

I don’t mind this at all. Grasping and yanking….good skills to have in everyday life. However, does he really need to apply it to continually pulling down my trousers? Is it really necessary? Oh, the amusement that he so clearly gains from doing it! He always times it immaculately as well, to guarantee that it is a moment when I can’t reach a hand down to yank them hastily up again. Eg – draining the potatoes for mashing at the sink – hands holding heavy saucepan and lid, and bob’s your uncle, DB2 sees his window of opportunity, comes hurtling across the floor and launches a trouser lowering attack. See also – talking on the phone to a very important website that is stocking our products. See also – talking to the dentists the other day. Yes, in a public place. Yes, with other people to see. Class.

I sometimes think that both my boys plot to come up with new and inventive ways for making me look a complete arse…

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