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I actually think several of my major organs are failing at the moment. 

And what is the reason for this catastrophy? I hear you cry. (go on, cry it. Humour me.)

Well, I have just suffered the worst beating that I’ve ever had in my life. I am battered and bruised all over, and feeling distinctly delicate and sniffly. Who administered this dreadful attack, I am sure you are wondering? (again, stay with me here, yes, the punchline is on it’s way.)

Of course, it wasn’t some rugged, muscular bruiser type, but instead, my two little lads, on some brutish mission to completely finish their mother off before the day had even started. There I was, trying to catch a moment to myself to do a few stomach crunches on the bedroom floor (seriously, my tummy NEEDS this time. It looks like a deflated balloon that has been badly covered with crepe paper. Yes, Spanx are marvellous and everything, but I can’t actually wear them 24/7, can I. Or can I? Anyway, I digress.)

Anyway, there I was, crunching away, admittedly not with a great deal of enthusiasm, when suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, I saw DB2 waddling with great gusto in my general direction. Before I could say ‘Oh Christ, I’m about to get flattened’ he had quite liberally launched himself on to my person, elbows pointed downwards, like some twin peaked missile on a lethal course directly for my stomach.

I squarked. He giggled. Then, as if by magic, DB1 popped up out of nowhere, and before I’d even had time to draw breath, he launched himself on top of me as well. Seriously, I don’t think anyone can envisage the panic of viewing out the corner of your eye, this rapidly advancing blur of a toddler in motion – before seeing him leap into the air, seemingly in slow motion, before landing on your person with the full force of a WWF wrestler.

This was repeated a number of times, while I lay there, passive, mouth open in a little ‘o’ of horror and pain, as elbows, knees and sometimes even heads were drilled repeatedly into my torso.

After about ten minutes of pummelling, they were spent. As if by some telepathic response, the duo looked at each other, nodded briefly as if to say ‘our work here is done’ and then toddled off casually into their own bedroom again.

I continued to lie on the floor, in a stupefied and pain-riddled state, until finally rising about twenty minutes later.

What a way to start the day! Other people pay good money for masseurs to punch their body into submission – look at how lucky I am, I get it for free! What considerate little boys I have, eh! I could almost imagine them, when they’d returned to their room, whispering to each other ‘I know, I know, we really should charge for our services…but what can you do? She’s a mate.’

Anyway, in some bizarre way, maybe a beat down was exactly what I needed to ease out the stressed out knots. The business has suddenly been catapaulted into action these last few weeks; which is hugely exciting (obviously) and hugely gratifying, after slaving away for nearly 3 years to get it to this point, but at the same time, it has been stressful. But, oh the excitement, of finishing yesterday with 6 very large orders! I know, to a major corporation that is peanuts. To us, major big deal.Ok, so it was a tad embarrassing when one customer emailed us to let us know that we’d set something up wrong on the website (yes, ok, I used the royal ‘we’ there…it was me. I confess. It was late at night, I was knackered, I entered the wrong thing…doh.) but I guess these are mistakes that anyone could make. Right?

If anyone wants to proof read the rest of the site for us (ha ha!) it is http://www.pipsgarden.co.uk. Please, do check it out. It’s been a full on labour of love and we want to share it. Personalised gifts for babies, kids and adults. And look – here is DB2, modelling one of our personalised tops. Ah…bless him! You just wouldn’t imagine he was a savage pro-wrestler as his normal day job, would you? Image