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Am in need of some serious comforting. It’s too early for alcoholic consumption, and I’ve already had an enormous slice of chocolate cake and a bag of crisps. Neither of them hit the spot sufficiently. Yes, it’s been that bad.

We were off to a flying start in the supermarket this morning. DB1, no doubt fairly worn out after his early morning start (less said the better), decided to be a right little horror throughout the entire trip. Now, to be quite honest, he’s never been great with supermarkets. DB1 and shops have never really quite gelled, right from those far-off, distant days of DB1 and I venturing into town soon after he was born, desperately looking in New Look (trying to feel like a normal person again after a hellish birth) whilst DB1 screamed as though being brutally abused. These days, its less about the screaming, and more about the monumentous mission to Deter Mummy From Buying Anything. Note the capital letters, as it is clearly a venture that DB1 takes most seriously.

We had, in no particular order:

– Haring off down the meat aisle, and conveniently ignoring my increasingly loud voice bellowing at him to stop.

– Screaming SHREDDIES, SHREDDIES, SHREDDIES over and over again, as for some reason,  which I really didn’t quite get, he wanted me to pick up two giant boxes, not just the one.

– Announcing, in the wine aisle, that ‘mummy needed her booze’. Cheers sweetheart, how to make one’s parent feel like a complete alcoholic. Blush.

– Yanking the trolley repeatedly to the right, preventing me from being able to steer it. This resulted into me steering it directly into the path of an elderly man. Poor old bloke, he looked completely stunned as to why a young (ish) woman mysteriously flung her trolley practically into his stomach. Grr…DB1!!!

– Trying to climb up the checkout counter and swinging around off the edge. Then screeching blue murder when I dumped him unceremoniously in the trolley with the shopping.

Oh, and we then had the quite terrifying tantrum as, after all this delightful behaviour, he then requested bluntly that I purchased him a Kinder Egg. I managed a curt ‘no’ in response, which I thought was quite restrained, given what I actually wanted to respond with was ‘you are having a bloody laugh, you crazy crazy, insane, mentalist child’.Sobs of rage and heartbreak thus ensued all the way home and continued until I gave up and stuck the telly on. My nerves were shattered and it was only 10am.

Imagine my delight then, when I get home, log on to check an order, and notice our website has COMPLETELY gone wrong. As in, it was about as wrong as it possibly could be, short of someone actually adding a giant neon flashing message across the home page telling customers to ‘sod off’. It was hideous. I stared at the screen in shocked disbelief, watching random text boxes float with gay abandon across menu bars, and images simply resize themselves and disappear at will. Also, everything had gone hot pink. I mean…why hot pink?? At least pick a slightly more classy colour to go wrong in, please. Even a muted strawberry pink would have been preferable.

This resulted in me wasting about two hours of time on a live chat to America, desperately trying to resolve the mysterious error. First person I conversed with informed us that it was out of their control. I wept. I openly wept – and conveyed the fact to the person I was talking to. He clearly felt distressed at this information. So he went to get someone else, who took pity on this nervous wreck the other side of the Atlantic and resolved it for us. They were even patient enough to hold the line while I changed not one but two stinky nappies, and to wait still further while I cleaned the carpet after DB2 ran off with poo still attached to his little bottom. Thank you, thank you, thank you. PS – the company is Magento if you were interested. They really are very helpful, especially if you are completely useless with website jargon and they are very adept at not making you feel like a flapping, panicky cretin, even if you are actually being one. I like them, a lot.

But anyway. Thank goodness, the Pip’s Garden website is now refreshed and back to normal. It was just momentarily poorly. A minor malady which is now resolved.

I am now going to cuddle up to my boys and insist that they comfort me, poor loves. I’ve just been playing a game involving climbing into a cardboard box repeatedly with them, and also getting stuck in it in quite an uncomfortable fashion, so they owe their poor old mum a bit of affection. He heh.