I normally veer away from ‘anecdotal’ tales, but this one just has to be shared.
Yes, it is cringe-inducing to read. And yes, it is a little bit ‘too much information’. You have been warned.
Anyway, I took the day off from working last Friday and took my boys to the House Of Marbles. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this tourist trap/ wonder of Devon – here is what it looks like:
It’s an awesome place to take kids by the way, if you are ever passing. It has marble runs and everything. And it’s free! But, one other particularly appealing aspect to it, is that it has a pretty good playground outside, with all sorts of bits and bobs to keep little ‘uns amused.
We tend to spend quite a lot of time out in the playground here, and this day was no different, despite the fact it was raining. DB1 hurtled outside, jogging bottoms soaking up the puddles, and I hastily tried to skip alongside him, whilst clutching DB2. Before I could even pop his hood up on his anorak, DB1 was clambering eagerly up the ladder on the climbing frame – an impressively large wooden construction on high stilts, with a slide at the end.
He spent a while lurking around in the tunnel section up there, which was probably wise, given that the rain was getting heavier. DB2 and I waited patiently outside, expecting him to emerge sooner or later and whizz down the slide.
However, what I didn’t anticipate was DB1’s reluctance to slide down the aforementioned slide, due to it being wet. Why I didn’t predict it, I don’t know. DB1, for those not familiar with this blog, is noted for his hatred of all weather types, and anything vaguely wet, damp or muddy. So he resolutely remained at the top of the slide, shaking his head firmly, whilst I attempted to dry it off with the bottom of my handbag and the sleeve of my jumper. Even with the slide virtually bone dry, the little imp still refused to descend. Instead, he attempted to climb back down the ladder. A very high ladder. About as tall as me. He’s not even three yet, by the way. And not very good at climbing.
I hastily leapt over, and tried to support his bottom as he dismounted, but he changed his mind and retreated back up the climbing frame, where he proceeded to whimper, no doubt having terrifying images of being stuck up the climbing frame for the rest of his life, doomed to watch from above while others played with all the marbles.He simply stood up there, all wide eyed and trembling, pleasding me to solve this difficult problem.
I was stuck for ideas. He wouldn’t come down the slide. He couldn’t get down the ladder safely. I couldn’t lift him down, as he was really quite high, and I was carrying DB2. I couldn’t put DB2 down, as the ground was really wet. So, in the end, in a moment of desperation, I told DB1 to jump on to my arm.
For the initial stages of this manoevere, all seemed well. He leapt on to my shoulder, then proceeded to slide down my body. However, about halfway down, something went wrong. Very wrong. I didn’t realise it at the time, but the feckless DB1 had got his foot caught in my handbag, which was making him swiftly turn upside down and run the risk of being dropped on his head. So, in his panic, he grabbed the first thing that he could find to prevent this happening, and he held on tight.
Shame then, isn’t it, that that thing happened to be my knickers.
At first, I couldn’t work out what on earth was going on. Why was DB1 suddenly randomly pulling my trousers and knickers down? Why wasn’t he just landing on his feet? Why was he turning upside down? Why could I suddenly feel cold air on my bottom?
In wild panic, I barked at him several times to let go, but to no avail. I couldn’t even reach down with the other hand to prevent this mortifying knicker-lowering, as I was using it to hold DB2.
Oh the shame. He managed to pull my knickers down to round my knees before I finally had to drop him, unceremoniously, to the ground and hastily pull them back up again.
Yes, people saw. Another two parents saw. And an old person. And a man who worked at the House of Marbles. They didn’t even laugh. They just looked utterly horrified, as if I was some mad pervert who liked exposing herself at public places.
It was awful. We left straight away. I don’t think I will ever be able to go back.
Anyway. That is all for now. I shall return to the ‘starting your own business’ side of things tomorrow, when hopefully, you will have forgotten this post. I bid you adieu.
To see our new snazzed up website by the way, visit http://www.pipsgarden.co.uk