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Potty training has officially begun in our household. It is a momentous occasion. After literally months of trying to cajoul DB1 into removing his nappy (generally met with screeches of ‘I’m not READY!’) he finally seems happy to go for it.

So far, so good. Not many accidents. However, there have been a few…shall we say…complications.

1) I hadn’t banked on him sprinting off into the distance every time he does a poo on the potty. This results in me having to leg it after him at top speed, to prevent the liberal spreading of faecal matter over the entirety of the house. Sometimes I seize him in time, other times not.

2) I also hadn’t counted on DB2 getting involved. DB2 is now fully mobile (and then some.) and is fascinated by the potty. But only when it has been used. So every time DB1 lifts his small buttocks off the seat of the potty, DB2 is in there faster than a ferret down a rabbit hole, ready to either throw a toy into the wee within, or grasp the whole thing and throw it across the floor. He managed to lob the potty over my trouser leg yesterday. It was full to the brim of p*ss. I shouted at OH. Yep, it’s not a fair world, is it.

(Teddy makes it look so easy, doesn’t he. Smug teddy. Irritating teddy.)

3) Another little joyous side effect of toilet training, when on the toilet upstairs, DB1 seems irresistably drawn to the bog roll. And, more to the point, to unravelling it and chucking it all down the toilet. Literally only five minutes ago, I had to fish out pretty much an entire unravelled loo roll from the toilet bowl. Not a happy bunny. Ugh.

See – these are the things no-one warns you about, aren’t they.

On a different note entirely, I am now on DAY 8 of the Shred! Ooooh yes, I have been shredding like nobody’s business. Every day. Full on dedication to the cause. And, it has been getting easier.

However, yesterday, I thought it would be a good idea to progress to Level 2.

For those of you not up on the whole 30 Day Shred thing…there are three levels that you work your way up through. Each is a 20 minute workout. And yes, even Level 1 is a bit of a killer. But let me tell you, it is nothing compared to Level 2. I actually thought I was going to die. I don’t think I’ve ever been given such a stark, harsh reminder of how chronically unfit I am in my whole life as I did when trying to heft myself through that 20 minutes of nightmare exercising. The only moves that I found not too bad were the ones that I swiftly realised I was doing wrong. When I corrected myself and started doing them properly, I promptly collapsed to the carpet in a little heap of fear and cramp.

However – verdict so far? Arms and legs, even after 8 days, noticeably more toned. Especially the arms. The generous flapping bingo wings have diminished significantly, and now only flap in a very stiff breeze. Tum – definitely getting there. The little hangy pouch of flesh that I like to refer to as my ‘burlap’ is definitely way less offensive than it previously was. So, overall, not bad. However, this probably isn’t a workout for anyone wanting to shed pounds. In fact, I’ve managed to put on 4lb. Ha! I keep telling myself that I am sure it is muscle though.

Muscle and cake.

And pizza.