I love growth spurts. No, seriously. I do. Not even a hint of dripping sarcasm when I say that. Not at all.

I love being woken at all hours of the night, especially just as I’ve nodded off. I particularly like this to be repeated at least four times in a night, until I feel as though I am slowly going completely bonkers. I love that.

I also really relish being screamed at for…oooh, at least seven hours of the day? And not being able to put the child in question down, as he then starts bellowing and whacking the floor in a massive fit of peak. So yes, essentially carrying round a nearly two stone baby for most of the day. I really thrive off that build up of lactic acid in my arm.

I like the indignant wailing that ensues if I dare to leave the room, even if that means just nipping to the toilet to have a quick wee. I really enjoy trying to have a wee with a sobbing baby either clinging to my lap, or better still, actually sitting on my lap, because I don’t dare invoke his wrath by moving him off. I like that. I like the challenge of trying to haul my trousers up one handed, whilst desperately still trying to hold said baby, in case his little world ends yet again if I place him on the floor.

Sigh. I love my boys. I truly do. Fiercely. Passionately. But JEEZ! We’ve been all mutually suffering this horrendous growth spurt for quite a few days now and we are all pooped. DB2, we officially order your growth spurt to have done and move on!

It’s amusing how DB2(real name Dylan, in case you were wondering) has collected so many nicknames over his life so far…more than the rest of us put together. I think a lot of them actually may have derived from previous growth spurt experiences. We’ve got:
1) Godzylan. (due to his wild wrecking ball techniques)
2) Killer Gorillan (wild moods)
3) Armadillon (as in DB1 shouting ‘argh, run from the Armadillon’, one of his favourite games)
4) Madillon (another random one from DB1, but I kind of like it, it makes him sound like a maverick super villain from a DC comic)
5) Dy-lumps. (my favourite. The original pronunciation of his name from Db1. And he is such a little lump that it really does suit him.)
6) Dylan the Villain. (especially during psycho growth spurts.)

Poor old DB2. I feel really sorry for him, I truly do. His angry round face, all squinchy and livid as he weeps and wails inconsolably at the tiniest thing. His frantically beating fists as he expresses his extreme displeasure at pretty much everything. E.g.- Offer DB2 a breadstick = wild trills of rage, throws breadstick on the floor and glares furiously in a sort of ‘my god, how dare you present this offal before my face’ fashion. Take the breadstick away = even more wild trills of rage, throwing himself to the lino in abject misery as though questioning God himself, as in ‘what sort of a cruel world do I live in, where my mother presents me with a breadstick that I didn’t want, then takes it away again?’ etc etc.

But I also feel very, very VERY sorry for me. He heh.