Apparently, according to OH, today I have an ‘easier’ day, as DB1 is in nursery. Normally, I would agree with this observation, as chasing around madly after one crazy child is definitely somewhat more straightforward than pursuing two.

However, let’s have a recap of the day so far.

5am- DB2 awakes. I bring him into our bed, where he promptly curls up to go to sleep again. On me. I eventually manage to roll his not inconsiderable weight off, but unfortunately, still manage to leave myself the most improbably slim sliver of bed that you can imagine. So my return to sleep was completely impeded by my bare buttocks hanging uncomfortably over the edge, getting rather chilled to boot.

8am- Things start to go missing. DB1s swimming goggles (ready packed for our holiday on Weds). DB2s toothbrush. The charger for the monitor. A book. A piece of snotty toilet tissue from the night before. Turns out DB2 had been systematically depositing them all down the back of the headboard on our bed. Incidentally, it is really bloody difficult to move the bed to retrieve them. Not to mention hideously dusty down there.

9am- he sets to work destroying the lounge. In the space of five minutes, the tidy floors are strewn with DVDs, books and CDs; all carelessly flung from the shelves with gay abandon. To make matters worse, DB2 has now figured out how to open the boxes, so random CDs and DVDs seem to get smuggled in the most unlikely of places, while their cases just seem to vanish into some sort of sinister baby created vacuum, accessible only to DB2.

10am- He puts his entire arm down the toilet.

11am- DB2 works out not only how to mount the chairs in the kitchen, but how to stand on them and climb on the table. Which he does, gleefully leaping around and trying to swing on the wall mounted baskets, before seizing DB1’s bottle of juice and pouring the entire contents over the table and floor.

12pm- DB2 decides that, rather than eating his muffin for lunch, he will break it into millions of crumbs and scatter it around him. Then he will stuff lots of banana into his mouth, chew it around until it is an appallingly masticated mess, then gob it out all over the high chair. Then pour his beaker of water over it for good measure.

1pm- which leads me to now. We are in the playroom, and I am seizing a brief break while DB2 pulls all the toys off the shelf. And I mean all. He has already managed to pull a heavy fire engine on to his head, not to mention a massive black box filled with heavy wooden puzzles.

Lord give me strength. Easy??? EASY?!! Er…no, I think not.